Dear NDM

Why isn’t there a proper blog post today?*

Yours sincerely,

A. Reader

*

Dear A. Reader,

Yesterday was Day 13 of the winter school holidays in this fair state. I don’t know if you are a superstitious person A. (if I may so bold as to call you A.) but I’m not. Or rather, I wasn’t. Until yesterday.*

Here is just a sample of what Day 13 held for me:*
  • taking a 45 minute bus trip to the city with the Great Unwashed of the Western Suburbs. Oh, and my three children too;
  • battling the school holiday crowds at the Aquarium and remember how the last time I battled the school holiday crowds at the Aquarium, I promised myself I would never battle the school holiday crowds at the Aquarium again and yet, here I was,*battling the school holiday crowds. AT. THE. AQUARIUM;
  • being forced to dance to “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It” by a grown man in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costume;
  • taking a scenic two kilometre stroll along the riverside with an unfenced sheer drop to the murky waters below and with Mr Justice getting a bad case of the Gumps and running way ahead and The Pixie lagging way behind, gazing longingly at the shiny water the entire journey*as if to say “The water calls me, momma. I must go to it…”;
  • having The Pixie decide she wanted to go home and Mr Justice decide he wanted to stay only fifteen minutes into our second live performance of the day;
  • watching Tiddles McGee open a packet of potato chips like it was a party popper in a public space, spraying all and sundry in chip crumbs, and then try to eat them off the floor;
  • balancing a lidless bottle in one hand, a partially-chewed brownie in the other, and a clingy almost-five year old and an open handbag on my lap and being unable to stop Tiddles McGee from eating the chips off the floor;
  • noticing other parents watching Tiddles McGee eating chips off the floor;
  • deciding I didn’t care that Tiddles McGee was eating chips off the floor because at least he wasn’t trying to escape the auditorium;
  • noticing other parents noticing me not caring that Tiddles McGee was eating chips off the floor;
  • discovering that the only reason The Pixie hadn’t asked me for more snacks was because she was picking her nose and eating it – and all while those parents were staring at us;
  • realising that I was about to run out of snacks all together, had only $3 in my wallet and a 10 minute walk along the river to an ATM.
July 9th 2:12pm was the time officially recorded as the Moment My Spirit Broke, as I pulled three lollipops out of my handbag – without even a flourish – and stuffed them into my children’s mouths.

And in breaking out the Lollipops of Last Resort when I did, I neglected to take into account the following:
  • we hadn’t even made it to intermission*
  • it was another two hours until we were being airlifted out of the city by my husband in the Love Bus
  • there was still a legally-obligated trip to a park alongside the river to survive
  • I, in my great wisdom, had stripped all the kids beds and stuffed the sheets & quilt covers in the washing machine before we left but hadn’t hung them out to dry.*
And that’s why there isn’t a proper post today, A. Reader. That. Is. Why.*

Yours sincerely, etc.

The NDM